I went to a lesbian bar the other night with my partner. Well, supposedly, technically, it was a lesbian bar, but it seemed decidedly unlesbian when we went.
In fact, it was, apparently, transgender night. At first, I thought, well, cool, there are people there that I can relate to, it’ll be fun. Maybe I’ll get to meet some interesting trans-people.
The bar, that night, basically consisted of thus:
- Gay men
- Straight men apparently chasing trans-women.
- Glammy make-up soaked trans-women in designer skimpy dresses.
Like, literally, no lesbians. At a lesbian bar.
It got me thinking: I don’t relate to a lot of trans-women. I’m not “glamorous” in the traditional female sense. In fact, I don’t feel particularly femme a lot of the time. I mean, yes, I’m female, but I’m more of a tomboy of sorts. I hardly ever wear dresses, and when I do, it’s either a fairly formal occasion, or it’s a dress that is kind of an anti-dress, something a little less prettyand more punky. I don’t usually wear a lot of makeup. I hate painted nails, except darker, bold colors. I hate lipstick. I hate talking about purse brands and fancy shoes (I own a pair of Converse, some flats for when I do wear a dress, and sandals, and that’s all). My hair is pretty short, too.
And maybe these sorts of trans-women aren’t the majority. But many of the trans-women I have met in my area identify as straight women who fall under many of the traditional gender roles. I’m kind of an outlier, it seems. I identify more with a lot of lesbians than I do with straight women. I always have. I went through a phase when I was a boy where I was like, “Okay, I’m feminine. That means I’m gay.” But it never fit. I was trying to view myself through the lenses of a male when I really should have thought outside the box a bit more. I eventually did, and realized that I wasn’t really that attracted to men at all (my significant other is a trans-male, but I don’t think I could ever be with a cis-male, and these thoughts are confusing to me sometimes, and sometimes I feel like I’m offensive for feeling this way). I hated the femmy way gay men dressed. I always saw lesbians and knew that I was closer aligned to that category. And it seems that we are few and far between.
I guess I’m wondering if there are more people out there like me, who transitioned and decided that they were the opposite gender of their birth, but ended up being gay in their target gender. I have a friend who is like this, but he’s a trans-male. I’m sure it’s more common than I realize; I just haven’t met many in person.
From one queer trans-girl to another…do you exist?
Hell yes we do. You sound an awful lot like me except I’m a bit out of control on the shoe side of things. *hugs Docs possessively* I’ve had an awful lot of success looking at different groups on Facebook and I’ve also started roller derby in the past few months which is a sport to make women’s hockey look like a bastion of heterosexuality. The good people are out there, including us transdykes. good luck!